No, not my actual voice. My inner voice.
The one that helps you make decisions, and makes you feel good, or tells you when something is wrong. I don’t know where it went, and it’s thrown me in a tail spin! I am positively lost without that voice guiding me!
I am talking, of course, about self identity and it’s infinite link to appearance & clothing. A theme that seems to pop-up from time to time on this here blog. (Still with me?)
With my new job, and the completely new environment/workmates/everything, has come a new, scary, insecurity that I don’t think I have ever felt. Everything around me feels shiny, new, and young, and I feel the exact opposite. All my clothes feel daggy, ball-y, worn or passe. And even when I have left the house, and am feeling mildly confidant, I often arrive at work and the harsh realisation that this outfit is not ok.
How silly? How frivolous? That something so unimportant can have such an impact on my overall well-being. I wish it was not the case, but sadly, when I don’t look like me, I don’t feel like me.
And right now, everything looks and feels wrong. Those fall-back outfits, those guarenteed winners, are looking so lack-lustre. I am fighting a very strong urge to start over, from scratch, and replace every piece in my wardrobe.
But even if I did, what would I replace it all with? The indecision is the part that’s killing me.
And so it is that I am asking you –
Have you ever felt like this? How did you get your voice back? And how long will this last?
[Image courtesy of Timeless Imaginarium. And then I made it pink.]